It’s interesting to look at the relationship between our identities and our relationships – even if you’re thinking about this for the first time. It’s interesting to look at who we think we are and how that’s impacted by the relationships we have over time, especially romantic relationships. For example, think about your initial feelings of attraction towards someone and your desire to potentially be with that person, could that have an affect on how you see yourself? Can who you love change who you are?


There’s actually been some research that shows how the desire to be with someone romantically can predict changes in a person’s self-views to be more similar to their desired partner. In other words, if someone very artistic sparked your interested, you then might alter your views of yourself to be more artistic or focus more on sharing your artistic side in hopes of furthering that relationship.


This study focused on positive traits, like being artistic. However, if someone had very low self esteem, it was noticed that they would change their self-views negatively to be more similar to their desired partner’s negative traits rather than the positive ones. And those with extreme high self esteem did the opposite.


More recent studies are finding that a person’s self esteem is a very important predictor of whether that person will take on positive traits or negative traits from the person they are romantically attracted to. So if an individual has very low self esteem, they will be more drawn to the negative traits of the other person and take on that influence, so creating a negative connection. People with higher self esteem will create more positive connections by focusing on the other person’s positive traits.


Our affection, what we’re drawn to, how we present ourselves to connect with a desired person, can tell us so much about ourselves. Our romantic desires can influence our identities and how we define ourselves. This is why it’s wise to know who we are and identify ourselves to start with, so we can be more aware of the direction we want to grow in – positive or negative. And we can start a healthy relationship with someone who serves as a great influence because we were in a self aware.


If you feel like you’re feeling different or like you’re becoming someone you don’t want to be, or if you have a loved one who’s changed negatively because of a relationship, please contact Crowview Medical Group to get in touch with a medical professional who can offer you some advice.