Often times we are in our way of success, happiness, and fulfillment. If we were able to recognize how we do just that, we would be able to make adjustments. And yes, we are capable of making adjustments because of our brain’s neuroplasticity. This means, by changing the way we think and behave, we’re able to change the brain’s neurons and the pathways between them. Here are some ways we hold ourselves back by killing our own confidence.


Always feeling guilty – Research has shown that there is only one type of guilt that is actually good, but just one. And that’s the guilt that we feel when we did that is harmful to someone else. Whether it’s betraying someone or doing something hurtful. That guilt motivates us to stop doing things that are hurtful, this helps us particularly with our relationships and self esteem. However, other types of guilt are actually counterproductive, such as: guilt about not doing enough for someone else when you’ve already done a lot, guilt about having more money or better relationships than others in your life, or guilt about being jealous of a friend who just had a baby. To move on from the guilt, realize your thoughts don’t hurt others, only your actions.


Feeling like a failure – Having a failure mindset can actually turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. We already view ourselves as a failure, so we’ll just end up getting in our own way. When we are trapped in this mindset, we fail to see our achievements or maybe even minimize them. What we need to do is overcome that failure mindset by realizing it is there and that we don’t have to believe it. Every new opportunity that comes our way is a fresh new start and a chance to learn from past mistakes.


Being a perfectionist – Being our own biggest critic is usually damaging. Nothing we ever do will be good enough for our high standards. We second guess ourselves, procrastinate, feel constantly overwhelmed, and sometimes don’t even want to try if we already doubt ourselves. Perfectionists are more prone to anxiety and depression as well as other physical conditions. We only like ourselves when we do well, and get so down on ourselves when we don’t. Perfectionist may feel like frauds and live in constant fear of being exposed. Stop thinking of what “should” have happened and give yourself more credit.


Living with regret – This is when we’re in a state of mind of blaming ourselves for an unfavorable outcome and wishing we made another choice. Regret, like guilt, can be helpful in life at times, but there’s also a dark side that holds us back. When we regret a choice we’ve made and replay that stress over and over again in our heads, we’re constantly releasing stress chemicals like adrenalin and cortisol. Practicing mindfulness to keep on attention on the present moment can help with this.


Comparing yourself negatively to others – When we compare ourselves to others, we’re making judgments on ourselves based off someone else. When people seem better off than us – money, achievements, looks, etc. – we see ourselves in a lesser light. However, sometimes we feel better about ourselves when comparing with someone else who might not have as much going on in their lives. But truly, we don’t really know what’s going on with someone else. So we’re comparing our insides with someone’s outsides.


People pleasing – This is when we want other people to like us. We overvalue the opinion of others as well. People pleasing is a misuse of empathy. Just because we know what others are feelings doesn’t mean it’s our responsibility to make them feel better. And the approval and acceptance of others shouldn’t determine our actions towards them. People pleasing can cause us to sacrifice who we are and take us away from pursuing our own goals. This can also backfire by leading to big disappointments and resentment when others mistreat us.


If you’re struggling with any of these issues that are holding you back in life, please contact Crownview Medical Group to get connected with a medical professional who will you live life at your optimum potential.