Sex and Marriage. Many think the two go together, “like a horse and carriage.”  Whether you are a mommy & daddy, mommy & mommy, or daddy & daddy you probably know that sometimes the horse is in the barn while the carriage got chopped up for firewood. For some married couples, the sex gets cold or maybe it was never hot to begin with. If this sounds like you and your partner after dark, know that you are not alone. Many go through dry spells, weeks, months, or even decades.

There is so much about Sex and Marriage on the internet, in books, in movies, and on TV. Where do you even start? I would suggest to start with your spouse. Start by having a heart to heart and talk about where the disconnect is happening. Your sex life could be struggling for SO MANY reasons. In order to find out what solution you need, you first need to know where the problem is.

Sex and Marriage: Potential Problems

  • Physical – If sex became physically uncomfortable or difficult there could be a variety of reasons and sexual dysfunctions.  Women could be suffering from vaginismus or vaginal spasms, infection, pregnancy, vaginal dryness, and more. Men could struggle with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation to name a few.
  • Emotional  – When dealing with emotional issues it is likely to affect the sex life. Some turn to sex to cope with emotional hardships, while some want nothing to do with sex when they are experiencing an emotionally difficult time. Often, sex is an emotional act, that’s why it is sometimes referred to as, “making love.” It makes sense, if emotions are off, if there is a disconnect in the marital relationship, there is probably a disconnect in the bedroom.
  • Trauma – Regardless of how recent or long ago a traumatic event was, trauma can seriously inhibit a healthy sex life if the trauma was left unresolved. Trauma can alter sexual expectations and skew perceptions of sex. If trauma is the source or contributing factor to sexual difficulty, seek professional mental health support.
  • Medical – Some medications and illnesses adversely affect sexual performance. Talk to your doctor about side effects of medication. In some situations a doctor can prescribe medication to help assist with your sexual performance.  In other situations, a doctor may inform you that sexual activity is not safe for your condition.
  • Mental Health – Just about all mental health issues can affect your sex life. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and schizophrenia might suppress sexual desire. Personality disorders and bipolar might heighten and even provoke high risk or promiscuous sexual activities. A mental health professional can assist in finding balance and understanding with mental health issues and sex.
  • Education – You may not know as much as you think about sex. There is more to sex than, this part goes here and boom, you make a baby. Do you know the anatomy of the male and female reproductive systems in depth? Men and women reproductive systems are very different and vary in sensitivities. Everyone feels and perceives pleasure differently. Not only is it important to know the general male/ female anatomy; but, know your partner’s specific anatomy. Talk about what feels good, what you like, what you don’t like. Good sex might be more than what’s below the waist. Know each other’s fantasies, turn offs, and limits.

No matter what the issue is, it may be helpful to have a third person professional facilitate conversations between partners. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist for sex and relationship advice. If you and your loved one are finding struggles after dark, please contact Crownview Medical Group to get in touch with a trained professional who can provide some help advice based on your particular needs.