We all know someone who complains too much. There always seems to be something that’s not right happening around them or they have such strong feelings about everything and everyone around them. Or maybe we’re the complainers ourselves!


Excessive complaining can be associated with constipated grief. Bottled up pain and emotions from past traumas and losses that pile up inside. Often times it’s all too painful to touch or hidden, so people end up pointing out every other disturbance or unsettling thing in their lives. The pain can be so deeply packed, it’s hard to find, but it’s clogging them up.


Complaining can be a way to get attention or feel empathy while pushing people away. And a person is oblivious to all of it. Complainers aren’t the only ones struggling with constipated grief. It all depends on how we’re all coping with it. Some people turn to substance abuse and sink into addiction. Others may isolate themselves and feel an inability to connect with other people. Holding in all that emotion can also lead to serious depression and, in worst case scenario, suicide.


So how to things get so bottled up? Well here’s something to think about…When someone is going through a hard time or experienced a loss, we usually respond by saying things like “it’s ok” or “look at the bright side.” And while this is all great, we’re communicating that feeling cheerful and positive is the only acceptable way to feel. Then comes the “ok, im fine” phase, when we suck someone sucks it all in and prepares to move on through life. This is where the bottling begins. We cap it before it was completely released.


The best way to grieve is to do it. Let the person cry. Let them be vulnerable and weak. And let them know it’s okay for them to be that way. People always try to suck it up and toughen up. And they have no idea how counterproductive that is. Grieving takes time, lots of it. It’s different from person to person and very situational.


People also don’t want to feel like they’re being a burden. Or that maybe it’s been long enough and they should move on. That’s not right. The best way to move on is to heal first. Because if people move on prematurely, they will carry that grief with them for the rest of their days. As a friend we need to be supportive, empathetic, and compassionate. We also have to remember to allow ourselves to have time to grieve as well.


If you or a loved one struggles with constipated grief or need guidance in healthy ways to grieve, please contact Crownview Medical Group and talk with a medical professional who is trained to give you the best advice. We care about each person living life as their optimum self and getting the most of life!